Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Defeating the Can't

Sometimes I think being a parent makes you take a long look at the things you do. Sometimes it’s because you catch your kid mimicking something that you do but don’t like about yourself. Sometimes it is because you see the beginnings of a bad habit that seems to just be part of human nature.

The following exchange is semi regular in my house

Me: “Kiddo I need you to do (insert activity he doesn’t want to do but does regularly here)”

Kiddo:  “I can’t!”

Me: “I know you can you’ve done it before”

Kiddo: “no I can’t!”

Me: “when you tell me I can’t when you really don’t want to what is that”

Kiddo: “a fib”

Me:  “ok, will you please (do the thing you really don’t want to do, homework)”

Kiddo: “I….don’t want too”

At least there is some progress on the getting things done front but what really stands out to me here is what appears to be happening, everyone does this, we just get better at rationalizing things when we are adults.

We are really good at giving ourselves excuses on why we can’t do things, “I can’t go to the gym I’m too tired/busy” or “I want to go back to school but I can’t because I don’t have the time” or “I could apply for that job but I’m not exactly what they are looking for” and so on. Some of this is real I’m sure; some people really are too busy to get to the gym on a regular basis for example. But I feel like a lot of this is really just people either a) avoiding doing something they don’t want to do or b) being a bit scared of putting themselves out there.

I would be willing to bet that every adult out there is fallen into either categories at one time or another. It is an easy trap to fall into and really I would much rather sit on the couch and play a video game then go to the gym for example. And it is hard for a lot of people to break through the wall of habit and excuses some times.

So what does this have to do with a parent?  First of all I know that sometimes when Kiddo says “I can’t” that’s really what he means and part of my job is to help him not to give up, and help him to succeed.  But when I see the beginnings of this trait that we all have I want to help him avoid it (or at least make it a little easier to beat it later in life).  I can’t really explain to him that when he’s in his twenties that he will need to be able to push past the “I can’t”, all I can do in truth is show him that even if you think you can’t you need to try.

And so I’m going back to the gym….my legs are sore


-ITBrewer

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