A scout is....Accepting

This ties into something I’ve actually been wrestling with for a while. I was a scout; I had fun, and took a lot away from it, and believe in the power of scouting to help shape young people’s lives for the better. But I have some serious issues with Boy Scouts of America, namely the prohibition of gay and atheist scouts and leaders from participating. Recently the BSA has lifted the ban on gay scouts, but not adult leaders and they haven’t even addressed the Atheist question yet, which technically means I’m not welcome. Now for me I’ll probably do what I always do, which is not make an issue out of it if no one else does.

Now though I find myself in a position to participate as a stepdad, Kiddo is getting to be old enough and I feel like there is a lot there that would be good for him. But I also don’t want to put him into an organization that is exclusionary to boys who might be gay or come from a secular house, and I feel BSA denies parents a great opportunity to get to watch their children grow and mature simply based on the parents sexual preference.

So what do I do? Do I let him join BSA and do my best to counter any lesions he learns that we feel are wrong? Or do I not let him join and have him miss out on making new friends, along with all the good parts of scouting? Fortunately there is a third option, here in Portland there are independent scouting groups, set up by parents with the same concerns I have, and overseen by the World federation of independent scouts. You see the BSA doesn’t own the idea of scouting, all the parts that make it good, teaching kids leadership, teamwork, community participation, and everything else is still there. They merit badges, camping trips, and everything else, except the institutional bigotry and intolerance.

What I find to be even better here is that it seems to get closer to the original stated goals of scouting. A look at the Baden-PowellService Association (BPSA) website is actually rather encouraging.

“BPSA teaches traditional scouting, presenting it as it was practiced prior to the 1960s and following the original principles and guidelines laid down by Scouting’s founder, Robert Baden-Powell.”

So now thankfully I don’t have to choose between two bad choices, and if kiddo is interested I think we have our answer.

-ITBrewer

On Step Parents

So I am going to come right out and say that I never thought I was the step dad type; I always had a lot of respect for people who will step in and help raise a child. And while family to me has always been so much more than genetics I was never sure I was the sort of man that could do it. Not that I can point to any part of my personality and tell you it was the reason. There is a commitment made by a step parent when they enter that role that I saw as noble and huge and honestly a little frightening. For whatever reason I never considered myself able to make the commitment, I suppose you never know till you are in the moment.

Really to date it has probably been one of the most richly rewarding choices I made in my life; then again it was never a choice. You will hear me say this a lot, but I’ve always been a big believer in the family to chose. That is people outside of genetic relations can have as much importance in your life as the ones who share genes with you. That is really what it comes down to, I’m completely invested, at this point there is no division in my mind and it has become my role to help protect, and nurture this kid even though I missed out on the first few years. Somehow over the last year I’ve managed to start a family, all the while skipping some of what the world tells me is important steps (first comes marriage and so on).

We like labels, and in the end its all we are talking about, whether the kid calls me Kevin or dad or “hey you” is really unimportant. We give labels to things, ideas, and people, and the label I find on myself even though I never thought I could live up to it, is “step dad”; and it is really exciting.

-ITBrewer