The problem with being a Geek and dealing with kids

I’m something of a technophile, I don’t really try to hide it and being an adult no one can really tell me to stop or that I’m wasting time or any of the other things people tell you when they don’t understand what you are excited about or interested in.

So when I started being a step dad I got really excited, because I already knew of ways I could turn my various geeky pursuits into something I considered being productive. I know of versions of Linux made for kids with built in educational programs that you can scale to their age and skill level, devices that build reading, math, and science into games, and a host of other stuff that I will not get into here. I suppose that it is safe to say that some part of my brain has been getting ready for this longer than I’ve been in the role.

So the problem I have is this; while my generation grew up with computers at the same time, they were new, novel, and expensive. For the kids who are growing up today computers have always been around, the internet has always been around, and electronics as a whole are so universal that it is alien to consider a world without them. Really I had one of those “when I was your age we went outside” conversations with kiddo and he thought I was making it up.

So the problem I have here, and it isn’t really a problem; it is important to set boundaries, some people call them rules. Really what it comes down to is that from time to time you need to demonstrate that a behavior is not good, generally by taking away something fun. My parents did it, your parents did it (I assume), and the only fun thing that has an impact….is all the stuff I’m excited to share with him.

What I want to do is unlock all the neat bits of his tablet (yes I said his tablet, don’t judge). I want to get a computer for him that will help him learn to read, learn math, how to type and spell and a so on. I want to use all this neat technology that I’ve been looking at for years to help him be successful in school and life, but sometimes I have to take it away. I am sure somewhere in there is a happy medium, I know for example that I can build a computer in such a way that it can’t get to youtube, or Disney, or any of the empty calories that are floating around the internet, and I probably will at some point because as much as I enjoy the internet the thought of a kid getting the unfiltered web frightens me. But right now we have to run before we can walk. We are getting there though, and soon I am going to start sneaking in as much education as I can.

-ITBrewer

My first Fathers day

Father’s day for me has always been a day to show a little appreciation to my dad, and show some respect to the dads I know. I have always found it a little strange that there are so many men out there who father children but never put the energy into being a “dad” that we need to celebrate it, just the same it is something worth celebrating. For the sake of Clarity let me explain what I mean by “father” and “Dad”; a Father is someone who provided one half of the needed materials to create a child, a Dad is the person who is there, who puts the effort in, who supports, who cheers, and who does everything else that should be done. The number of Fathers who are not also Dads, but that’s not really what I’m wanting to get into.

So Father’s day has always been for dads in my mind, something I always wished someone never had any anyone wish me. But I suppose during my life’s transition over the last year other people started thinking of me as a dad, which is weird. Not because I don’t want to be thought of that way, and not because I think I am somehow unworthy of the title.  And its not like I expected someone to tell me that I had become one. At some point in the last year I started acting like a dad, and because of that people started looking at me like one. I think what makes it strange is that until recently I didn’t realize people saw me that way, and then when I figured out they did, I liked it.

A belated happy father’s day to all the dads out there.

-ITBrewer

On Step Parents

So I am going to come right out and say that I never thought I was the step dad type; I always had a lot of respect for people who will step in and help raise a child. And while family to me has always been so much more than genetics I was never sure I was the sort of man that could do it. Not that I can point to any part of my personality and tell you it was the reason. There is a commitment made by a step parent when they enter that role that I saw as noble and huge and honestly a little frightening. For whatever reason I never considered myself able to make the commitment, I suppose you never know till you are in the moment.

Really to date it has probably been one of the most richly rewarding choices I made in my life; then again it was never a choice. You will hear me say this a lot, but I’ve always been a big believer in the family to chose. That is people outside of genetic relations can have as much importance in your life as the ones who share genes with you. That is really what it comes down to, I’m completely invested, at this point there is no division in my mind and it has become my role to help protect, and nurture this kid even though I missed out on the first few years. Somehow over the last year I’ve managed to start a family, all the while skipping some of what the world tells me is important steps (first comes marriage and so on).

We like labels, and in the end its all we are talking about, whether the kid calls me Kevin or dad or “hey you” is really unimportant. We give labels to things, ideas, and people, and the label I find on myself even though I never thought I could live up to it, is “step dad”; and it is really exciting.

-ITBrewer